On religion

About five years ago I stopped going to church. After 27 years in the Christian faith I decided it was time to step away, and all it took was a global pandemic.

In fairness, I’d been heading in that direction gradually for a very long time. However, I was enmeshed in the routine of it all. My husband and I sang in the choir, and were at church twice a week, for rehearsal and sunday services. I attended Evangelical schools from middle school all the way through college. My bachelor’s degree is from Wheaton College Illinois, “the Harvard of the Christian schools” as the school is fond of calling itself.

For the vast majority of my life, I spent a considerable portion of my time and attention thinking about matters of religion, creating art and music as acts of worship, and having my primary community be the church. Deciding to leave wasn’t an easy choice, but I have to credit that choice for so much of what has become possible for me in the last few years. It’s possible I could have come out as bisexual in the church, but I can’t imagine ever going on this journey of self expression and sexual exploration within the religious practices I grew up in. Even in the much friendlier denomination, the Episcopal church, I spent my last 8 or so years in, I simply couldn’t imagine going through the kind of personal transformation I’ve been through.

But that doesn’t mean that there’s nothing to miss.